Decisions

    I sighed when I saw the waiter seating Jim and Ellie a few tables away. Unless I leave the restaurant through the kitchen, I either have to walk past their table and hope they don’t notice me, or sit here until they are gone.

    Decisions. I am tired of making senseless decisions. It feels like that the past few months all I have done is decide how to avoid someone. Mostly some guy wanting to hit on me; I am sick of guys like that as they are too annoying to be attractive in any way.

    Jim and I haven’t seen each other for several months but keep in touch by phone. He finally asked Ellie for a divorce, and suddenly she wants to go wherever he does, while at the same time demanding everything in the divorce, including his carpentry tools. Evidently she doesn’t care how he’s going to earn money to pay child support if he doesn’t have his tools. Nor does she care that some of the tools are his grandfather’s.
    Jim and I have known each other since grade school. We dated a few times in high school, and he told me recently that I scared him off then because I am a strong woman. Looks like I’m going to have to be that strong woman this evening and make a decision on how best to leave the restaurant.

    I finish my coffee and wonder if ordering a dessert would help me decide what to do. A few seconds’ thought on it and I decide to get up and leave, walking past Jim and Ellie’s table. They’re seated with their back to me so maybe I can leave without them seeing me until I’m near the exit.
    I lay cash on the table for my bill and a tip, then rise and get my sweater off the back of the chair. When I look at my sweater I realize it is the same style and design as the one Ellie is wearing. Mine was a Christmas present from Jim and I’d lay odds so was Ellie’s. Now what?

    I decide to leave the sweater and hope the waiter stashes it somewhere so I can retrieve it later. I walk past Jim and Ellie’s table, pretending interest in something on my phone. I am a few steps past there when Eugene Dabney stops me. Damn! A clean getaway is out of the question now.
    “Leslie, I’ve not seen you in I don’t know when! How are you doing?” Eugene begins, and I cringe inwardly for I know it’ll be at least five minutes before I can get away from him. Add in that Eugene has never had volume control on his voice and half the restaurant clientele is looking our way.
    I give short, quiet, non-answers, hoping he will take a hint and go back to his meal. No such luck, and he even asks me to join him. I consider doing so for a nanosecond, if nothing else to show Ellie that I am with another man. I’m not sure if she’s certain that I am the “other woman” in this farce.

    Instead I firmly tell Eugene that I need to go, and make it out of the restaurant before anyone else stops me. I walk across the parking lot to my Lexus, a birthday present to myself, get in, lock the doors, and lean my head against the steering wheel for a minute or two before starting the engine.
    I may be a strong woman, but seeing Jim and Ellie together has shattered my peaceful evening. I know I should not be involved with a married man, even if all we do is have phone conversations. I know he and Ellie have never been an ideal couple; local gossip has told me that for several years. But what I had never expected was this intense jolt of jealousy at seeing them together, even though I know they’re in the process of breaking up.

    I put the car in gear and begin the short drive home. My home, that tonight will be a refuge from things I cannot control, even though I want to. As I drive I wonder if I want to fully let Jim into my home, even though I love him dearly.

    Another decision. A major decision that will affect my life for years.

    As I park the car in my driveway, get out and walk to the back door, I decide that a hot shower, comfortable pajamas, and a glass of rosé to ease me into a good night’s sleep will be the extent of my decision-making tonight.