Textures

Selena ran her fingertips over the faux-fur collar on a denim jacket, then down a sleeve. The plush softness of the fur. The smooth toughness of the denim. Each pleasing to touch.
    As she walked through the clothing store, Selena occasionally lightly touched a piece of clothing that caught her eye. A blouse here. A sweater there. Socks on a sale display. Glove and scarf sets.
    Different textures. Different fabrics. Different uses. So many to look at. So many to choose from.
    Is that what is missing from my life? she asked herself. The textures of daily life. The things no one never thinks about until they’re gone.
    Selena walked from the clothing store to the food court. As she considered which option she would prefer this afternoon, she thought of Blake. The soft thickness of his hair. The sweetness in his voice. His warmth. His impatience. All the things about Blake that were no longer in her life.

    Nibbling at the french fries she had ordered, then taking a sip of her Coke, Selena decided that had been her problem since early summer. She had textures in her life – cats, Blake‘s Levi jacket,  chenille sweaters – but she lacked the texture of male companionship. The contrast to her personality. The knowing that a day’s plans could be changed on a whim. The spark that kept her interested in doing even the simplest of things.
    Well, she thought, now that I’ve determined what is at the root of this don’t give a damn mood I’ve been in for months, what do I do about it.
    While mulling over her dilemma and possible solutions, Selena watched shoppers walk through the food court. Women carrying various-size bags from the stores in the mall. Women with children accompanying them. A few couples. Occasionally a lone male, either looking lost or as though he was considering other things to do.
    Wonder how many unattached men have been through her today? Selena mused. And how many of them feel as at loose ends as I do?

    Deciding she’d walk through the mall one more time for the exercise, Selena gathered the debris from her snack and deposited it in the nearest garbage can. As she turned to walk toward the main part of the mall, she heard someone say, “Selena, we’ve not crossed paths in a while. Are you shopping for Blake’s Christmas gift?”
    She turned and looked up into the blue eyes of Hunter Johnston, a high school classmate. The few times she’d seen him since graduation, Blake had been with her.
    There wasn’t anything but the dismal truth in her reply. “Blake died two years ago. Cancer.”
    Hunter’s smile faded. “I am so sorry. I hadn’t heard. Are you okay?”
    “I’m alright. Still adjusting.”
    “Do you still have the business?”
    “No,” Selena said. “We officially closed when Blake got his diagnosis. I sold everything this past spring and retired.”
    “Oh,” Blake replied. “What do you do now?”
    “Mostly just things around the house. Occasionally help a friend with something.”
    Hunter was quiet for a few seconds, then said, “I’m planning on retiring next year. Maybe we’ll cross paths more often then.”
    “Maybe,” Selena replied. She smiled at Hunter. “It was nice seeing you today. I’ve got a couple of things to do, so I’d better get going. Hope you can retire and enjoy it.”
    “So do I,” he said. “Just have to see how things go. Again, I’m sorry to hear about Blake. Take care of yourself and give me a call if you need anything.”
    “I will,” Selena said. “You take care of yourself also.”

    Selena left the food court and walked through the mall. She stopped a few times to look at window displays. Each one similar. Each one different. Each one containing many textures, from clothes to toys to shoes to books. All of the stores ready for Christmas.
    As she observed the different stores, Selena thought of Hunter, and what she remembered about him from high school. She hadn’t known him well, just had several classes with him. He had been a good student, quiet, and, as far as she knew, never caused anyone any problems of any kind.
    Has he changed?  she wondered.

    His black hair had some touches of gray, but his eyes were just as blue and friendly. He had traded button-down shirts, chinos and loafers for a T-shirt under an unbuttoned flannel shirt, blue jeans and western boots. Were the clothing styles all that had changed? Selena considered that. Hunter seemed less self-conscious today than he had in high school. Was that a result of aging itself? Or life experience?
    Selena considered textures. How different would Hunter’s textures be from Blake’s? And do I really want to know?

    As Selena walked to her car, she noted the late-November breeze didn’t feel quite as nippy as it had when she arrived at the mall. At her car, she looked around the parking lot. She and Blake had shopped here quite a bit – another layer of texture that was gone from her life.
    Selena got into the car and started the engine, while she pondered if she was ready for new textures in her life.